The Envelope
by EllaGillies
Summary: Bella becomes complacent. Edward, misunderstanding, leaves her to a life he believes she wants. Bella fights to find him to explain, but will an unfortunate accident ruin it all? A misunderstanding, an accident, an abduction and one great love. I'm horrible at summaries! Rated MA for future lemons, and maybe some cussing. ExB HEA eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Hi, so this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)**

**Song for this chapter if you would like one: NothingMan - Pearl Jam **

~ Chapter One ~

Edward

I had been here since late afternoon, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room, waiting for her to come home from La Push. I sat in silence, staring out the window, watching the sky turn from a warm orange through to soft pink, and then darkening further into to a deep bluish grey hue. As the hours passed, still I sat watching as the sunset receded, and the moon coated everything in a silverly tinge. Finally I shifted and looked down into my lap, feeling the last smoulder of hope inside my chest extinguish completely.

Rising from my seat and moving toward her window, I looked out into the moon drenched garden below, savouring the memories of being in this room that roll one by one through my mind. The air is still, not a breath of wind ruffles the leaves in the trees. The silence in the air feels pressing, ominous. Much like the crisp white envelope I hold in my hand. The small item feels like it weighs a tonne.

I turn slowly, my eyes resting on the unmade bed, the lavender sheets still pushed haphazardly aside from her hurry to get up this morning. The bed smells like us. Her scent mixed with mine after hours spent lying next to each other. My eyes drift further along to her bedside table, the photo of us from her eighteenth birthday sits proudly in its frame next to the dog-eared copy of Wuthering Heights she loves. My eyes turn further still, scanning the chest of draws, the wardrobe, the mirror… the dream catcher…

I feel the cracks in my chest split a little more, feeling the weight of what I am about to do press firmly on my shoulders and into my heart. But it must be done. I move from my spot by the window, stepping around the clothes littering the floor as I make my way towards her bedside table. I pause staring down at the photo of us, at the love of my existence, willing to be back in that moment just for a second. Back in the warmth of her gaze, her chocolate brown eyes shining with love and adoration.

Shifting forward I slowly lower the envelope meant for my beloved. At the soft thunk of the envelope touching down on the table, my stomach drops and despair pours through me. Swallowing the feelings down, I remind myself that this is for the best, this will give her the freedom she so craves. I rest it carefully against the frame, dragging my fingertip softly over the name written on the front.

Standing and turning back towards the window, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and let out a despondent chuff. The flat, black eyes hold no life. My skin is pallid, far more than normal, and sickly looking. Not even the hint of a smile on my lips. I look back to the photo, at the mischievous glint in my eyes and slight grin on my face. I have become a shadow of the man that stood that living room. I can't remember the last time I had smiled. I wonder if she remembers.

Dropping my eyes from the photo, I make my way back to the window. _You can do this. You can do this for her. This is what she wants. You can do this._ I take one last look around the room, willing her to burst through the door, to apologise for being late as she has for the past two months, for her to _look at me_, to _touch me_. Even without Alice's gift, I knew it wouldn't happen. I couldn't remember the last time she had actually seen me.

Turning to the window, the finality of the moment settles over me. My stomach drops, lead lining my belly and the crack in my chest splinters and shatters completely. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold the feeling inside while clutching at my middle and fighting the urge to retch. After a few minutes, I stand, resting against the window sill.

"Goodbye, Bella…" I whisper to the empty room, then pushing myself forward through the window, I drop like a dead weight to the ground.

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**Phew. So, what do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Au****thors Note: ****Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)**

**There's not always going to be a song for each chapter and there's not for this one, sorry!**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Two ~

Bella

I stare into the bonfire, mesmerised by the glowing embers. The remaining wood inside the fire pit smoulders away as it is slowly consumed by the dancing and leaping flames. I jump when fresh logs hit the bottom of the fire pit sending a shower of sparks into the sky, the crackle and hiss that follow seems almost joyous as the flames quickly engulf the newest logs. Shifting my gaze, I follow the acrid smoke billowing up into the sky, the inky black night almost swallowed up in the thick smokes dark grey plume.

I glance at Jacob, my best friend, who is deep in conversation with Sam. Half of hotdog number six hangs precariously from his left hand, and as he flings his hands around explaining something in great detail, I slowly shift my legs away from him in the hopes that I won't end up with sauce and mustard down my jeans.

"Pssst. Jacob." I say, hoping to steal his attention for a minute. He turns on the log next to me and grins "What? You want some more hotdog? Here." Quickly putting my hands up, I scowl at him in disgust, "No! I'm full up, but do you think we could go soon? I'd really like to get home". "Sure, sure" he says with a roll of his eyes, and as he turns back to his conversation with Sam he shoves the remaining half of the hotdog into his month. "Gross" I mumble, turning back away from him.

I huff in irritation, looking down at my iPhone and find there is still no reception. I hold it high up into the air for a few moments, moving it around in different directions trying to get just a smidgen of service so I can message Edward. No such luck. I glare at the No Service signal on my phone, let off a soft curse, and turn back to the fire once again.

The fire reminded me of standing on top of the mountain with Edward and Seth, watching Victoria's remains smoulder away. _It feels like just yesterday. _But no, a blissful, drama free six months had passed since that day. Well, as drama free as it can be having a vampire for a boyfriend and a shapeshifter for a best friend.

Edward wasn't exactly happy about my friendship with Jacob, especially after the 'kissing incident' on the mountain, but he hadn't tried to stop me from seeing him, which made me I adore him even more. Jacob couldn't stand Edward, and was convinced I was in love with him and would "snap out of it" sooner or later. After having a discussion with Edward and Jacob, and explaining to both that Jacob was only a friend and like a little brother to me, I think they both understood and have cooled off. Although being natural enemies, things are always going to be somewhat strained between them. I just wished Edward could get along with Jacob as well as he gets along with Seth.

Smiling at the thought of Edward, I wondered what he was doing right now. _Probably at home waiting for me. _Warmth spread through me and tingles erupted all over my body at the thought of coming home to find my vampire waiting, his tall frame stretched out along my bed. The love I felt for Edward was all encompassing, and the feeling of loving someone so wholly and completely, knowing that you had found the other half of your soul, was something I thought my life would never hold.

Coming out of my Edward day dream, I looked back to the flickering flames of the bonfire, and tuned into the conversations following around me. Jacob was leaning forward now, his elbows resting on his knees telling Sam about the new parts we need for our dirt bikes. Some of the pack members were scattered around, all laid back and soaking in the warmth from the fire. Quil and Embry were both holding their stomachs and groaning after demolishing a huge amount of hotdogs each. Leah was in her usual hostile stance, arms folded over her chest, and glaring at Emily, her sour thoughts clear on her face.

I pulled my jacket tighter around me as the wind whipped along the beach, and look down at my iPhone for what feels like the hundredth time, cringing when I see there was still no reception. I'd been down at La Push all day working on the dirt bikes in Jake's garage. The last month or so had been spent in a similar manner, long days tinkering with parts and learning how to put together the engines, writing down new parts we needed and scavenging through the old junk yard trying to find them. More often than not, I would stay down here for dinner with the pack, at Billy and Jake's, or over at Sue's house before making my way back to Forks, and to my Edward.

Chuckling softly to myself, I think back to the conversation Charlie and I had barely a week ago. He assumed I hadn't caught on to the fact that there was something going on between him and Sue Clearwater, Seth and Leah's Mom. However as he had started meeting me for more and more dinners at their place in La Push, it became pretty obvious what was going on. Watching Charlie's face flush with embarrassment and the constant clearing of his throat as he explained to me he was 'seeing Sue as more than a friend' was worth every moment. I grinned at his discomfort, happy to not be the one on the blushing end for once. I was so relieved and happy for him. After being alone for so long, he deserved someone as amazing as Sue.

My thoughts wandered back to Edward again, though they never strayed far, and a pang of guilt shot through me. This morning in my hurry to get down to La Push, I had promised Edward that I would be home in the afternoon so we could spend some much needed time together, just the two of us. It felt like forever since I'd spent any real time with him. Of course, he was always there when I got home exhausted from my long day, and after my shower he would wrap his arms around me and hum my lullaby until I drifted peacefully off to sleep. But tonight was meant to be different. I missed him. I _craved_ him. I craved the feel of his cool skin beneath my fingertips, the softness of his hair, the feeling of his large hands on my back, the look in his eyes as he lowered his lips to mine… Feeling the familiar burn start deep in my belly, I redirected my thoughts hoping the blush in my cheeks just looked like the heat given off from the fire.

Unfortunately my plans were ruined after trying to start my truck over and over again with no luck. Dead as a doornail. I finally admitted defeat and knowing Edward couldn't come to La Push to pick me up due to the treaty, I accepted Jake's offer to drop me home after a 'quick' dinner of hotdogs by the bonfire. The promise of hot food had been too much for my grumbling belly. Now, several hours later, full and warm, I felt guilty for not being home when I had said I would and for not contacting him to let him know. I looked down at my phone again, swiping into the home screen hoping for that small bar of service. _Nothing_. I knew he would understand, but he had been so distant lately and I just wanted to get home and spend some non sleeping time with him. I frowned, wondering when the last time that actually was...

"...Bella. Beeelllllaaaaa. BELLA!" Jacob yelling my name startled me out of my thoughts, "Sorry, sorry! What was that?" I said quickly, hoping he hadn't been trying to get my attention for too long. "I said I'll take you back to Forks soon, although if you're too tired you can always stay with me if you want. Plenty of room next to me." He said leeringly, wiggling his eyebrows. Sighing, I rolled my eyes at him "The sooner I get home to Edward the better, could we go now?" I asked hopefully. His answering scowl and short, "In a bit" said it all. We weren't leaving any time soon.

_When is he going to accept that he is like my little brother to me? _I mused, shaking my head. I scanned the people surrounding the bonfire, and looked down at my phone once again. 10pm! _Dammit, looks like it's straight to bed for me when I get home. I'll do something nice for Edward tomorrow. Maybe I'll take a day off from La Push? _

As I looked up again, a shudder rolled through me, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck pricked up. _What is that? __Something's not right_ I thought to myself, glancing around me and down the dark beach in confusion. Just as my breathing started to accelerate, and cold sweat broke out all over me, what felt like a solid punch landed deep in the centre of my chest, creating shock waves over my entire body.

The throbbing got stronger and stronger, ripping through me from heat to toe. I clutched at my chest folding over to foetal position whimpering at the pain. "...Bella! Bella! Are you ok? What's going on?..." I could hear people calling me from far away, but I couldn't respond… the throbbing in my chest consuming my breath. Suddenly, it hit me. _Edward. Edward is in pain, it feels like he's been ripped away from me. Edward, Edward, Edward, something's wrong with Edward, I have to get to Edward. _Just as I struggled to get to my feet, I felt Jake pick me up in his arms. "...I'll get you to the hospital, just hold on Bella, oh god please be ok..." "...I think she's having a heart attack!..." The voices faded in and out around me as if they were at the other end of a tunnel.

I felt Jacob's every footstep jolting through me as he ran back to his house, ripping my chest open even more. The despair and loss running through my system was suffocating. _Loss? Why does it feel like he's gone? He can't have... No, no, no, no! Edward! Please be ok!_

When Jacob's feet finally hit his front porch, he screamed at Sam who was following behind to go and grab his keys from the kitchen, all the while clutching me in his arms. I tried to struggle out of his tight grip but he held me tighter. "What's going on?" he asked, "Are you ok? We're going to the hospital, ok?". "Get off me!" I screamed, "It's Edward! Get off me right now!" I kicked and punched forcing him off me. When he finally released me and backed away, I kneeled down, my forehead resting on the porch.

The blazing fire in my chest had started to recede, and as quickly as it started, it disappeared leaving behind an empty, hollow hole in the centre of my being. The loss I felt was overwhelming and I couldn't understand it. Struggling again, I forced my hand into my pocket pulling out my iPhone. _Reception! Yes! _Selecting Edward's name quickly, I waited for it to connect but instead of the ring I was hoping for, it went straight to voicemail. I tried again, with the same result. Desperately trying to think of what to do now, I stared blankly at my phone, finally pulling up Alice's number.

Hearing the ring I so desperately wanted, I waited for her to answer "Pick up, pick up, PICK UP!" I chanted to the phone. Relief flooded through me as I heard a timid "…Bella…" sounding at the other end. "Alice!" I shouted "What's happening? Is it Edward? I don't understand" I started babbling, crying into the phone. The sob from Alice stopped me, chilling me to the bone. Cold fingers of dread seeping into me from all angles as she started stammering "…Bella… I… I don't know what's happening, I saw him in your room waiting for you, then he just… he put an envelope in your room, then… then he walked to your window… he fell, I saw him falling and he... hit the ground and… he" she trailed off.

Realisation hit me like a freight train as she spoke… the feelings of loss flooding through me… the despair… the feeling of a part of me being ripped away... "Alice" I whispered, pleading with her to tell me it wasn't true. "I'm so sorry, Bella, he's… he's gone... His future has disappeared… I can't see him at all…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Arthurs Note: ****Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write them too :)**

**So in my stories, Edward never left Bella after her 18th birthday and Jasper didn't attack Bella. ****The wolves killed Laurent but not with Bella in the field. **The newborn attack happened, with Victoria manning the army. The Volturi did not come, so they don't know about Bella. Edward didn't propose. This is 6 months or so after the newborn 'war'. This is my take on Edward leaving and an alternate ending really. Any questions just flick me a PM.

**Italics without speech marks are the individuals thoughts, italics in speech marks i.e _"Hello"_ are other peoples thoughts Edward is hearing._  
_**

**Song for this chapter if you would like one: When You Were Mine - Taylor Henderson**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Three ~

Edward

I lay face down in the grass where I landed, focusing on the hollow ache rumbling through my chest. _I need to move, I need to get away from here before I lose it and go back up to wait for her. _This sent a fresh wave of pain rolling through my chest, knowing this wasn't an option, I was not the one on her mind any longer. I forced my body to comply and struggled to my knees, trying to pull myself towards the forest.

I could smell her scent all around me, on my clothes, on my skin, and it continued to pour from her still open window. The fresh floral scent curled around me, attempting to draw me back into her room… _You have to let her go, you're only being selfish by staying longer... Come on, Edward. Get up. _

The loud crashing of a wolf running through the undergrowth drew my attention as it rushed in my direction. I shook my head to clear it, attempting to pick up the thoughts of whomever it was coming towards me. "_What was that sound? Did it come from Bella's house? Better shift now so I can go in closer and no one sees me. Nothing like a big bad wolf to scare people away! Haha! Hmm. What's that on the ground? Is that? Wait… Edward?" _

"Edward? Are you ok?" Seth ran towards me, grabbing my arm and helping me to my feet. "I'm fine, I just… I have to get out of here". Seth looked at me in confusion "Get out of here? You mean like, you need to hunt?" _The less he knows, the better. Let him think I need to hunt… _Grimly, I swallowing down the hollow burn in my chest and gazed off into the forest, collecting myself, pushing the pain away and shifting a blank emotionless mask over my face. Letting out a slow breath I looked over at Seth,"Ah, yeah. Yes, I need to hunt. I figured I might as well go while Bella's not home."

"Cool! Mind if I run with you for a bit? I'm doing the rounds tonight, but since we defeated the bad guys it's been pretty boring! I could do with a run! Bella's not home yet? What direction are you hunting in? I wish-" I tuned him out; trying to hold onto the last piece of sanity I had left and started walking to the forest line. _Maybe it's a good thing if he comes with me for a while; it will spare Alice this vision._

I stopped and looked back at Bella's house one last time, wishing that things could be different. Wishing that I could spend eternity with her at my side. Maybe one day I could come back and see how she is. See the smiles and laughter that no longer belong to me. _I wonder how many children they will have_. Another wave of despair rolled through me at the thought, _I need to go now, before I break. _With one last inhale, I turned and sprinted away.

"…and if we have time then we could totally go up over to the… Whoa! Hey, wait! Oh, you wanna race? You're on!" Seth called happily after me, and quickly shifting back into wolf form he was hot on my tail.

We ran and ran and ran. The further we went, the louder and more confused Seth's thoughts became. Finally taking note of my surroundings, I realised I _had _taken Seth further than I had wanted to. We were almost at the banks of the Great Bear Lake, the shimmering water looming in the distance. Stopping abruptly, I turned "I think we need to part ways here, Seth. You should probably go back home before people start to worry about you."

Scrunching up his muzzle and blowing out a hot breath into the cool air, he mumbled in his head that this didn't feel right, that I didn't look right. I chuckled darkly at his thoughts, but waited for him to direct them at me. "_Hey, man. Are you ok? We've been running for hours! We're in Canada! Bella will be missing you. I could wait for you to hunt? Then we can run back together!"_

Wishing it were possible I turned away from him and faced the direction of the lake, sighing. "You go on home, I want to… look around for a while, and hunt. Then I'll go back. Bella will be ok. She… she…It'll be ok" I choked out, rubbing my chest where the burning raged hotter.

Finally taking in the vibes that I wanted to be left alone, Seth took a few steps back _"Well, ok. But only if you're sure?"._ "I'm sure, Seth" looking back at him and attempting a smile, unsure whether I had succeeded or not, I waved a final good bye to my unlikely friend "Take care, Seth." He smiled up at me _"See ya tomorrow, Edward!"_ before he raced off in the direction of Forks. In the direction of my Bella. _No, not your Bella anymore..._

I watched him run until I could no longer see him. My façade crumbling with every step he took. I walked forward slowly toward the lake, and once I reached the shores I fell to my knees, clutching my hair in my hands and let the sorrow overtake me. A gut wrenching sob escaped as I tried to push myself back up, but I only succeeded in stumbling forward into the shallow water. I dragging myself further in without conscious thought, and let the water cover me. I pulled myself further and further out until the water was well over my head. Almost unable to stop moving I carried on deeper and deeper, welcoming the blackness the depths of the lake provided.

I sunk like a stone as I continued out over the lakes bottom, thankful that breathing was not a necessity. Sometime later I tripped on the edge of a small cave-like indent somewhere in the lake and came came to rest where I had landed. My head falling forward, the despair, loss and pain consuming me entirely. It overwhelmed me until no thoughts of anything other could pass through my mind. It pulled at me, _clawed_ at me, sinking me further down into the welcoming blackness that surrounded me.

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**So... :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**We won't be hearing from Edward for another few chapters, but we will find out what he's been up to later. I'm a bit nervous about this chapter so hopefully it goes ok!**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Four ~

Bella

The first thing I registered was the clattering of my phone as it tumbled down the porch steps in front of me. The second, was an extremely warm hand touching my shoulder. I jerked away from the touch, swinging around to look at who had dared to put their hand on me. _Jacob._ I glared at him, watching his lips move as he spoke to me, but taking in nothing. "Take me home" I requested in a low voice.

I watched as his brow furrowed and he started to speak again and immediately cut him off, "Take me HOME" I demanded again. He gaped at me, shocked by my tone "Bella, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. Maybe you should stay here, or I can take you-" "NOW!" I bellowed, cutting him off.

I stood abruptly, seething with anger "Get your keys, get in the car, and TAKE ME HOME". Avoiding looking at Jacob's hurt face I turned on my heel, running into the house to grab my bag. After claiming it, I raced back outside towards his rebuilt Rabbit, swiping my iPhone from the ground as I went. Jacob was already in the drivers seat waiting for me with a frown on his face.

The twenty-minute drive back to Forks was spent in tense silence. Clutching my bag that was balanced on my lap, I gaze unseeingly straight ahead, focusing on the breath moving in and out of my chest around the gaping hole. Jacob opened and closed his mouth a several times as if to speak, and I was vaguely aware of him glancing between the road in front of him and me, but I had no interest in talking to him at this stage.

I knew I was being rude and unfair, I could feel the confusion and hurt coming off him in waves, but I had no other option. It was the only way I could hold myself together until I got home. Nothing else mattered until I saw Edward. _Please be there, please be waiting for me! _I chanted as I started to rock back and forth in my seat.

When Jacob pulled up outside my house and turned the engine off, I continued to stare straight ahead. So many different emotions were screaming through me, each battling for dominance, each trying to force their way up and out of my body. I could not let them out, not until I knew for certain.

Slowly I turned my head to look at my house. The porch light was on but the house was dark, still and quiet. Without shifting my focus from the house I reached for the door handle and slowly opened it, letting myself out of the car. I slung my bag onto my back, took a deep breath and stepped forward, just as Jacob leaned across the passenger seat and grabbed the back of my bag.

"Stop, Bella stop. Just wait, ok? Will you tell me what is going on? You're acting really weird and it's freaking me out. Do you want me to call the Cullen's?" he said trying to tug me back into the car. I turned swiftly, forcing his hand from my bag and backed away toward the house. "Leave" I commanded.

"Fine. Fine! But call me, ok? I don't like this. You're acting stranger than your damn bloodsucker!" Jacob growled angrily, but relented, leaning further over to pull the door shut. Starting the car again, he revved the engine and peeled off, leaving a dust cloud in his wake.

After the dust had settled I closed my eyes and inhaled again before turning and making my way towards the house. I slowed my pace, pausing on the porch steps as I noticed the spare key was in the lock, and the door slightly ajar. _Please let that mean that Edward's in __there!_

Pushing the door open, I stepped into the house and carefully shut it behind me. Turning to face the stairway, my heart felt like it was falling out of my chest as I took in the small pixie sitting on the stairs. The ache in my chest blazed hotter, but I refused to let it confirm my worst fears, that Edward _wasn't _here. _Edward is up in my room, on my bed waiting for me. I'm going to go upstairs curl up in his arms and never leave them again. _

A sudden gasp from the living room doorway drew my attention to another vampire in my house, though not the one I hoped for. Jasper was bent over with one hand rubbing his chest, and the other on his knee almost gasping for breath. Sensing my attention was on him, he looked up at me with a desperate look on his face "I can't… I'm sorry I can't. Both of your emotions combined… I'm sorry I have to go" he said. I quickly moved out of his way as he lurched for the door, before swinging it open. As soon as he was over the lip he was gone, the loud bang of the door hitting the wall signalling his departure.

I stood in front of Alice, waiting for her to acknowledge me, say something, but after several minutes of waiting my patience had reached it's limit "Alice? What's going on?" Her head shot up and she glared at me "I don't know what's going on, why don't you tell me!" The venom in her voice shocked me, instantly putting me on the defensive. Before I could respond though, she was up on her feet pacing in the short hallway, almost blurring she paced so fast.

"He has been slowly slipping away. I don't know why, there's been no decision made, but I just know he's been slowly fading from my visions of the future. I noticed it months ago before I left. At first I didn't think anything of it, I didn't want to worry anyone! I did try to talk to him about it but he said there was nothing to be worried about. But then, this morning he spoke to Rosalie and that is when everything changed. He decided he would write you a letter or he would talk to you! I saw you coming home in the afternoon and you would work things out. I saw you kissing again! Then he ripped up the letter up instead of giving it to you and… But… but now? Now I see nothing! Nothing!"

"Bella, I saw him waiting for you! You know I can't see you when you're in La Push, why did you not come home? Rosalie is hunting with Emmett, I don't know what the letter is about, all I know is he left it on your bedside table and then left out the window. But, I can't see his future now! I can still see your future… but Bella, it's not with Edward... you don't have a future together…"

I stared at her in shock. "Slowly slipping away? What does that even mean? I..I… Alice, explain this to me! What do you mean by nothing! We have no future? HOW! Why didn't you tell me sooner!"

She abruptly stopped her pacing and looked at me in disbelief "I've been away on vacation with Jasper for the past two months! I just got back last night, Bella! I haven't been focusing on it! Of course I had visions while I was away, but I didn't think anything of it because they were all exactly the same. Every night, I saw him sitting in your room waiting for you to come home, just like I saw him doing tonight. It wasn't until Jasper and I got home and spoke to Emse... but then I say you two talking... I..."

Pausing she took a deep, unnecessary breath while I stood staring at the floor in disbelief, trying to take in everything she'd said. "Bella" she said in a soft voice, drawing my eyes up to her "Esme said she hasn't heard him speak in weeks, he hasn't touched his piano and she can't remember the last time he smiled... What happened while we were gone?"

"That's not true! He does speak, he does smile! Last night I told him about how far along I was on the dirt bikes that Jake and I are rebuilding! Then he held me and hummed me my lullaby until I fell asleep! This morning I told him I would come home, he agreed! I think? I would have come home but my truck wouldn't start… I… " I tried to think of exactly what he had said and what his response was last night, but I couldn't come up with anything. I even remembered thinking at the time that the smile hadn't reached his eyes.

Alice smiled sadly at me "I think you need to go and read the letter he left for you. It's the only way we are going to get the answers we need right now." I looked up in the direction of my room before addressing Alice one more time. "He's really not here?" Her one word answer rocked me to my core, "No."

The tears I had fought so hard to control started to fall, dripping one by one down my cheeks. I made no attempt to wipe them away. Alice walked through the open door and out onto the porch without a glance in my direction "I'll wait out here for you."

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**... :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it, just this plot :)****  
**

**Sorry this took so long, ****I've ****been trying to think how to word this Authors Note! It was a bit of a mixed reaction there! Thank you for your reviews, it means a lot that you have taken the time to read my wee story.**

**I just wanted to say that in my opinion only, complacency comes in many forms and I'm sure we have all experienced it in one way or another. May it be through getting a new boyfriend, and ignoring your friends or spending very little time with them – always expecting them to be there. Sometimes they are, sometimes they ****aren't****, and sometimes they can be hurt by your actions even though they know you still care about them. It can be discovering your new found freedom a teenager, and putting your family on the back burner – again, always expecting them to be there. And most of the time they are, but life happens. With life comes wisdom.**

**As teenagers, all of your feelings feel like the end of the world. So yes, I guess this could be an overreaction. And of course it has to be dramatic, this is a bit of an angsty type piece and they are moody teenagers! ****J**

**Edward has spent a century in various stages of school life and is bombarded by the thoughts of High School or College girls. He thinks human emotions are fleeting, shallow, (obviously he doesn't think of Bella this way) and he can't understand them as he's from a completely different era. He's from a time that marrying straight away and having a family and providing for them was basically 'the meaning of life', shadowed only by the duty to defend your country in the war. Yes, Edward is a bit insecure, and we know he's always felt unworthy. Some of Bella's actions just seem to reinforce this, and he can't read her thoughts so he has to make up his own opinion on why this is.**

**Bella has never been in a relationship before. She has never seen a working, healthy relationship due to her Mum being flighty and going from one guy to another, and her father is a perpetual loner who barely shows emotions. Her relationship with Edward has been a passionate array of emotions in a short amount of time, and lots of drama, so I guess she is also unsure as she's never been in a relationship with a vampire either. Later in the chapters you'll learn a bit more about how/why Jacob and Bella are such good friends and why she spent/spends so much time with Jacob. Of course she loves Edward, but because Edward seems so sure of himself she just assumes that he knows.**

**Hopefully this explains a bit more? Or it could not make any sense at all! Haha.**

**Please note some of the words used are some very old famous quotes. Hopefully no offence is taken by using these words. Just a short update, we shall here from Edward soon. **

**Without further ado...**

* * *

~ Chapter Five ~

Bella

The staircase leading up to my room felt never ending, and each step I took seemed to echo eerily throughout the silent house. When I finally reached the landing I paused outside my bedroom door and rested my hand against the cool wood. I desperately tried to feel him through the door, to feel our connection, to feel _anything_ other than the void in my chest. My head fell forward onto the door next to my hand with a dull thud, I could feel nothing from within the room and his lack of presence echoed through my entire being.

Mustering up all of my strength I turned the door handle, pushed the door open and stepped into my room. My whole body shook as I took in the empty bed, the empty rocking chair and the open window, the defeat radiating through every pore. _He's not here. He's gone. I've pushed him away without even realising it._

I could see it out of the corner of my eye. It rested against the picture of us on my bedside table, just as Alice had said. Without looking directly at it, I walked into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed until the need to know what was going through his head overcame my fear. I reluctantly reached for the letter and picked it up, staring at my name on the front. I ran my finger back and forth over his elegant script, before finally, taking a deep breath and turning the envelope over. I ran my finger under the seal, breaking it, and pulled out the thick paper…

~o~

_My Dearest Bella,_

_For most of my existence, time has held no meaning for me. And then I met you, and time was then measured in all the moments I could spend with you. After that fateful day in Biology, it took two days for me to realise you meant more to me than any other person, in this life and the last. You were - are - everything I think about, everything I want, and everything I need._

_For most of my existence, I thought for sure I had no soul. And then I met you, and it became impossible to deny it __wasn't __so, as my soul recognised yours._ _When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is why you miss someone so much when they are not there. Your soul feels their absence._

_You will always be my souls mate, in every sense of the word. I've fallen for your laugh, which is contagious. I've fallen for your smile, which makes me exuberant for no reason at all. I've fallen for our late night talks, when daybreak arrives far too quickly. I've fallen for your words, which make me smile days later. I've fallen for every second I get you spend with you, even if those seconds will always leave me wanting more._

_These past six months with you have been __bitter sweet__, feeling my love for you strengthen, and at the same time feel your soul slip further and further from mine, into the hands of another man. A man you have grown your whole life with, a man who can give you a life that I cannot. A life you deserve, where you will be alive and safe, filled with warmth, sunlight… and children. I wish you a happy life, full of love and joy._

_After seeing you come home day after day shining with happiness and laughter, filled with the kind and tender love this man has showered you with, I find I can no longer deny Jacob's claim that your heart now belongs to him. Seeing your love for him and your almost kisses during your long days together inside his head every time we meet, and then seeing it reflected back in front of me in you, is too much to bear. I can no longer deny the call from your soul to be released from me, for me to give you the freedom it so craves. _

_I release you, Bella. _

_I am not bitter, because though our time together has been fleeting, the memory of all the blissful moments I have spent with you will crowd my mind for the rest of my existence, and I feel deeply grateful to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. _

_Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I have – will – ever have to do. Please forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been. My heart is aching for you as I write this letter, the pain too hard to describe. This is the last time I will write to you, but my heart will continue to bleed for you. I apologise, but I cannot bid you farewell personally, the pain would be too great, so please consider this to be my last farewell._

_I regret nothing._ _Always know that if I could choose again, I would still choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I will always choose you._

_Eternally yours,_

_Edward_

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**... **


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Had to quickly repost as I found a lot of mistakes! Sorry about that!**

**There is a LOT of info in the chapter, and I've done my best to explain as best as I can. If I am missing anything, please let me know, or if you think it doesn't work. More will be explained in later chapters too, but this just to help match some stuff up.**

**The passage Bella speaks below appears in a poem by ****William Shakespeare****. He also said something similar in his ****Venus and Adonis****.**

**Might hear from Edward soon too!**

**Without further ado...**

* * *

~ Chapter Six ~

Bella

_Maybe it's a fly? A splash of paint? No, a shadow. No. It's definitely a mark of some kind. Water stain! Yes, it's definitely a water stain… _I squinted my eyes a bit harder at the spot before giving up on figuring out what it was, and closed my eyes again. I focued only on the feeling my breath move in and out of my body.

I'd startled awake from a nightmare in some early hour of the morning, and had been lying in bed staring at the small stain on the ceiling directly above me ever since. I found that focusing on mundane points helped direct my attention away from the aching void in my chest, and to calm me down after my vivid dreams. Sucking in another deep breath, I looked back up to the ceiling and watched the room get lighter and lighter. Finally as dawn broke, the clouds turned a brilliant orange and the sun spilled over the treetops and into my room.

A surge of hope overwhelmed me as a shower of rainbows suddenly lit up my entire room, bouncing off every surface. "Edward!" I gasped, and shot up out of bed, struggling my way out of the twisted sheets. I looked to the window, and not finding him standing there I looked around the rest of the room, searching for him, willing him to appear.

Still not finding him, my eyes came back to the sunrise, only to catch the crystal window charm hanging from the window frame. I sighed deeply and my heart seemed to stutter to a stop. Despair seeped over me once again, extinguishing any hope I'd had that my vampire had come back to me.

I made my way towards the charm slowly, mesmerised as the rays of the sun glittered off the clear crystals surface. I raised my hand and gently spun the charm, watching the kaleidoscope of colours dance and twirl on every surface of my room. Disheartened, I shifted my gaze out the window to the bright horizon, cursing the sun. Though sunny days in Forks were few and far between, the sun's rays stood as a warning to me, warning me not to hope, as Edward would not be coming home that day. He would never return to me in the sunlight.

I lost myself standing by the window, gazing out at the sun as it rose further into the sky,  
"Like a red morn that ever yet betokened,  
Wreck to the seaman, tempest to the field,  
Sorrow to the shepherds, woe unto the birds,  
Gusts and foul flaws to herdmen and to herds." I murmured before closing my eyes and resting my forehead on the window pane.

Six weeks had passed since Edward left. Six long, excruciating weeks. I missed him to the depths of my soul, and with every fibre of my being. As the weeks slowly passed, the urge that I needed to do something, _anything,_ to find him and bring him back grew stronger and stronger, but as the days went by with no visions from Alice, my agitation and frustration was starting to boil over. The feeling of being almost caged and completely helpless grew steadily each day.

With one last calming breath, I turned to find my phone for my morning ritual of messaging Alice in case there were any changes, but as usual she was one step ahead of me and my iPhone chirped from my nightstand at that precise moment. I moved back over to my bed, picked up my iPhone from the bedside table and burrowed back under the covers, pulling them up over my head. Swiping into the message, I growled with frustration after reading what she had to say.

**Morning! I'm sorry, still nothing. Back from Denali, sun keeping us indoors. See you this afternoon xo - A**

I flung my phone out from beneath the covers, not caring where it landed, and settled further down into my bed. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, frustration and anger battled for dominance. "Damn you, Edward. How are you hiding yourself?" I said as I kicked at the covers, trying to let off a bit of steam.

Sighing, I rolled onto my back and looked at the pattern on the inside of my duvet. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and tried to channel all of my focus on Edward, wherever he may be. _Edward, come back. Please come back. _I tried to force the thoughts towards him, willing him to hear me somehow.

The slamming of Charlie's bedroom door jarred me out of my concentration. I listened to him clump down the stairs to the kitchen for his morning coffee, before chuffing at my own ridiculousness. _As if you could reach him, Bella. He couldn't even read your thoughts when you were here!_ I rolled over and smooshed my face into the pillow, thumping my fist down next to my face.

I had expected my world to stop after reading Edwards letter. I had stumbled down the stairs in search of Alice hoping she had seen something, seen where he had gone, and after realising she had seen nothing at all apart from a deep black; I had expected to fall apart completely. But that hadn't happened.

Instead, along with the loss and longing, frustration and anger take over entirely. I couldn't seem to control it. I was angry at myself, at the situation, at everything. It was completely paralysing, and I couldn't seem to do anything about it, couldn't push it down. Most people see anger as an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don't think it's any of that. It's helpless. It's absence of control.

I had barely left the house since that night, I'd spent the majority of the time pacing in front of my window, analysing every single moment over the last few months, and plotting. I didn't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I wanted to use them, dominate them, but without any idea where to start, I couldn't. The more time that passed the more strung out I felt, and the more the anger dominated _me._

With all the added time to analyse our relationship, I realised so many areas where we were completely out of balance. Of course, it wasn't only my fault, Edward had played a part in that too, but I kept finding more and more occasions that I had expected – no, demanded – Edward to tell me everything and insisted on being treated as an equal, but hadn't extended the same luxury to him.

Not only that, but I had let him think the joy I felt at coming home to him every evening, was a result of spending time with another man. And not just any man, a man who had kissed me against my will. A man who had manipulated his thoughts to make him believe that I had responded to the kiss, I had wanted it, asked for it. Of course he thought that, I had never told him what happened! And to think he had dreamed up "almost kisses"...

Despite his incessant phone calls and Charlie's constant demanding, I hadn't spoken to Jacob since that night in La Push. I knew there was no way I could go back out to there until all of this was sorted with Edward. I knew I was being unfair to him by not giving him a chance to explain, but I hated the feeling that he had manipulated my good intentions and used Edward's gift against him for his own sick pleasure.

A loud knock on my bedroom door jolted me out of my thoughts, "Bella? Are you awake?" Charlie's asked gruffly. "Yes" I replied getting out of bed and opening the door. He stood there staring at me, and I cocked an eyebrow at him in question. "Right" he said and awkwardly cleared his throat "You'll be meeting me at the Black's house for dinner tonight, please. I expect you there by 6pm."

"No." I stated simply. I could see red creeping up Charlie's neck, and the following twitch of his moustache confirmed he was angry with me. "Bella, we agreed months ago that you would make more of an effort to spend time with people _other_ than that boyfriend of yours and his family. This year has been extremely difficult for Jacob, what with losing his sister and all. You were meant to be helping where you could! What happened to those bikes? I thought you had a good thing going working on them down there?"

I narrowed my eyes at Charlie, "I told you, Jacob and I are having a few… _issues_ at the moment. I have no interest in speaking to him until after I've spoken to Edward. I _told you_, Edward is away at the moment. If you had taken a moment, you would have noticed I haven't been spending time with anyone! Have you even listened to me? Why can't you just leave it alone?"

Charlie's face grew redder and redder with each passing word, and he took in a sharp inhale before firing back at me "Don't use that tone with me young lady! I don't care if he's away and you are having problems, you can deal with him when he gets back. For now, you will be sorting out your problem with Jacob. You're eighteen years old, Bella! If you are going to act like a child, then I will treat you like one. You are grounded for the rest of the month, and I am taking your truck keys, and don't think you will be cashing in on the no curfew we agreed on either! I will see you here at 5.45, you will be ready, and you will be coming out to the Black's with me." With a firm nod, he turned around and descended the stairs, not giving me a chance to answer.

I stared after him in shock, my blood boiling. He just would not listen to me, or respect my decisions at all. Almost every morning before he went to work he came upstairs to lecture me about making up with Jacob. He just didn't understand that Jacob had overstepped his bounds and I wasn't prepared to speak to him yet. I knew I couldn't tell Charlie about the kiss he had forced on me or exactly how he was provoking Edward and without that, he just didn't understand.

I slammed the door shut with us much force as I could and stomped back to bed and retreated under the covers once again. I immediately felt guilty for slamming my bedroom door so hard, but once again the anger won out. I could understand where Charlie was coming from, I understood it would be putting a strain on his friendship with Billy, but couldn't he just be a Dad for once? I just wanted him to be on my side.

For as long as I could remember, Jacob had been a huge part of my life. We had grown up together, made mud pies together; I even had my first kiss with him! It had been strange and uncomfortable, but still, it happened. Every summer when I came to visit Charlie, we would be almost inseparable. But as we had grown up, Jacob's feeling towards me had begun to change from platonic to something more. Mine had not.

He had respected my decision, though he wasn't exactly happy about it, especially after I met Edward. That's when everything had started changing. Jacob had always been so happy; always saw the positive side of life. But since everything with Rachel… he slowly started slipping away into almost a completely different person. A dark side in him had come out that I had never seen before.

I hadn't noticed how prevalent that dark side was until now, when I looked back over the last six or so months. There was this… edge to his playful jabs at Edward, again the forced kiss, the constantly trying to convince me that I was in love with him, convince me that I should leave Edward. On top of that I now knew he had manipulated his thoughts into "almost kisses" as Edward had described in his letter… Now I didn't see it as quite so playful. I didn't know this person he had become at all.

What I couldn't understand was how he could manipulate us when he _knew _how happy I was with Edward, when he _knew _that if in some warped version of reality I actually_ had_ started to return his feelings, he would just end up hurting me! He would imprint on someone else and leave me, just like Sam had left Leah. How selfish could he be?

It all started almost nine months ago when Jacob's sister, Rachel, went missing in Seattle. She was attending the University of Washington studying to be a teacher when she disappeared. Everyone got involved in the search and helped in any way they could in finding her, but there had been no hints whatsoever as to what had happened to her. When the pack had returned, Jacob had stayed, and spent two months meticulously scouring every inch of Seattle in search of her. But there was never any trace at all. Jacob returned only when summoned by Sam, just before the newborn war.

It was after the dust had settled, and everyone was throwing the newborns remains into the fire, that we heard the scream. The kind of despairing scream that pierces your brain and makes your blood run cold. We all turned to see Jacob on his knees bent forward sobbing over the parts of a body lying on the ground. It didn't take us long to figure out what had happened. Jacob was bent over Rachel, another victim of Victoria's mindless newborn war. We all made our way towards Jacob to comfort him, but as we reached him his face morphed into a blank mask and he rose from his knees. Without taking his eyes off Rachel, he said "Sam, you know what to do". After phasing quickly, he was gone.

That was the last time we saw Jacob for a long time. He didn't even come back for the small funeral Billy had organised on the Reservation. We had all gathered around the family plot and put a gravestone done in her memory. Billy had even convinced Charlie that he wanted to have a small get together to celebrate her life, but the rest of us knew that as no remains would ever be found, he needed that closure. They all did.

When Jacob returned two or three months later, it was as if nothing had happened. Jacob seemed fine, but I knew better, I knew it was just a front. That's why I agreed with Charlie when he asked me to help both Jacob and Billy get through this tough time. I did everything I could to help, even if it was just giving him my company, helping him with the bikes, or cooking dinners and freezing them for them to heat up later, helping around the house.

Charlie liked the fact that I was spending more time at La Push, and constantly told me how proud he was of me for stepping out of my comfort zone, and spending time away from the Cullen's. Along with his new found pride, Charlie also given me no curfew for the coming school year. That meant I could stay at the house while he was in La Push with Sue, and he wouldn't have to worry about me - as long as I kept him in the loop. To say I was happy about it was an understatement.

Looking back at all these moments, I admit there hadn't been a balance between my time with Jacob and time with Edward. I hadn't even told Edward about the new no curfew bonus, and since we had discussed it on the reservation over dinner with Seth and Sue, there was no way Alice would have seen it either. Sighing internally at my lack communication, I rolled over in bed and tried to change my train of though.

I had tried to get Jacob to open up and talk about what had happened with Rachel, but he just wouldn't talk about it and would just say he was fine. He wanted to move on. We had only spoken once about Rachel being turned into a vampire, and after he almost spat at me "She was no longer related to me the second she was bitten. I'd rather her be dead than be blood sucking filth", that pretty much ensured that it was the last time I would be bringing that particular subject up.

I knew Jacob was probably still in some type of shock, but to hear him speak like that hurt me. I didn't know what my future would hold, but I knew it would be beside Edward no matter what. Not to mention some of the most amazing people I had met in my life were "blood sucking filth." My _boyfriend_, who he clearly had no respect for, was one. I took it on the chin, I knew he was working through some things, but knowing what I know now…

A house shaking bang and heavy thump suddenly echoed through the house out of nowhere, jolting me from my thoughts. I froze in my position in bed, trying to listen out to hear what had caused the noise. A few minutes went by in silence before another loud bang and thump echoed through the house once again, confusing me further. _What the hell is that?_ I thought as I sat up in bed. It sounded like it was coming from the front porch but couldn't be sure.

I looked out the window to my bedroom to see if I could see anything from there but all I saw was the heavy rain clouds that had rolled in and swallowed the sun. It looked like the rain would start pouring down any minute, which meant it was just another normal day in Forks.

I slowly made my way out of bed, and crept towards my bedroom door. I opened it cautiously, looking into the hallway before leaving my room and creeping down the hallway to the stairs, placing my bare feet as silently as I could. The cool air of the house sent goose bumps up my legs and I pulled my jumper closer around my chest while trying to pull my sleep shorts down further to cover my legs.

When the front door came into view as I descended the stairs, I stopped suddenly and stared out the small window in absolute disbelief. I watched Jacob, in wolf form, run up the porch steps and throw his shoulder into my front door with a force that shook the entire house, and then slide down the wood to thump back down onto the porch. I watched him do it one more time, before the anger that had been pulsing through my system finally cracked through and took over entirely.

I flew down the stairs and swung the door open as hard as I could and ran out on the porch, "Jacob Black! What the hell are you doing here! You're not welcome here, GO HOME!" I shouted. Jacob dropped his head and growled in my direction before slinking around the side of the house without taking his eyes off me. Every hair on my body stood on end at the glare Jacob was directing at me.

It started to drizzle with rain as Jacob slowly came back from the side of the house in human form, dressed in cut off jeans, but still with the same cold glare directed at me. I wouldn't let him intimidate me, this was my turf. I pushed my shoulders back and levelled him with my own glare before repeating myself, "What are you doing here, Jacob? And what do you think you're doing out in clear view as a wolf? Are you crazy!?"

"I was on patrol, and I got sick of you ignoring me. You have no right to ignore me!" He seethed, still slowly coming towards me. "No right?" I scoffed, stalking down the porch steps towards him and into the light rain, "You are crazy. I have every right to not want to be around you at the moment, Jacob. I know everything! The fake thoughts and kisses you dreamed up around Edward? How I was 'so in love' with you, everything! How could you?" I seethed back, my blood boiling in my veins. I couldn't believe he was standing in front of me thinking he had every right to be there!

I was just about to fire off another jab at Jacob, when Seth suddenly broke through the trees to the side of my house. "Bella!" he shouted happily, unaware of the tense atmosphere he had just walked in on. "How are you, girl? Haven't seen you in a while, I've missed you! It's nice to see you two talking again, but Jake, next time tell me where you're going okay? You can't just run off like that" He stopped just off to the side of us, and gazed down at my now muddy feet. "You sure you should be out here in this? You're gonna get sick! Edward's gonna kill ya! He inside? Say hi for me, or should I just shout? HI EDWARD!" he bellowed, laughing at himself.

The void in my chest pulsed, pain taking up some of the anger at the thought of my Edward being inside my house. I clutched at me chest, _how does he not know Edward's gone? Surely Jacob told him? _I glanced fleetingly at Seth before looking back towards the ground and quickly replied "We're not talking again, Seth. Jacob was just leaving. And Edward left six weeks ago. We haven't been able to find him".

My heart raged against the thought of not finding Edward, my shoulders slumped forward and the anger left me in a rush. I couldn't deal with this, the ups and downs in my emotions were driving me breaking point. "Wait, haven't been able to find him? Six weeks… wait! He went hunting with me about that time, and we ran all the way to Canada! But you would have seen him since then right?"

My breathing speed up and my heart started pounding, millions of questions fighting to get out all at once "What? Canada? When? Can you remember anything? I've been looking for him for so long! Why haven't you said anything? Where? How do I get to him! Do you think he's still there?" I had to brace my hands on my knees as black spots started taking over my vision, and I tried to slow my breathing. Raising up, I moved towards Seth only be blocked by Jacob as he forced me back by a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, the anger welling back up again "Get off me, Jacob!"

"No! Shut up, Seth! This is none of your business, go away!" He shouted at Seth, grabbing my arm and clutching tightly. Seth moved towards us with a frown on his face, staring intently at the spot that Jacob was holding "What's going on? Edward is missing? Dude, you're hurting her, let her go man" he said placing his hand on Jacob's shoulder.

The rain started to come down harder just as Jacob let go of my arm as he turned to shove Seth. He followed his backward stumble and forced him further back toward the forest again with another hard shove to the chest. Before I could say anything, Jacob started ranting again, "No! He's right where he needs to be! Shut up, Seth! Get out of here NOW! Bella, it's time you snap out of the 'blood sucker lover' phase. I've been as lenient as I can with this, but I've given you enough time. It's time for you to learn your place." He said, walking back towards me to get in my face, he towered over me. "You're coming back to the Reservation now, it's going to be your new home. With me. Pack your things."

I stared at him in utter astonishment; he was delusional if he thought I was going anywhere with him! Swiping some of the pouring rain off my face, I shoved his chest hard with both hands, hoping to force him to back up a bit, but only succeeded in knocking myself off balance and onto my backside in front of him. My fall didn't stop my anger though as it came back full force and I lashed once again "I am not going anywhere with you, Jacob! My place is with Edward, even when he's not here, my place is still with him! Not you, it will _never _be you, Jake! When are you going to get that through your head! I. Am. Edward's!"

Jacob let out a harsh breath, his whole body quivering and vibrating with suppressed anger. With a sudden lurch forward, he reached down towards me and grabbed my upper arm again in the same spot, pulling me up from the ground. I cried out at the pain from his tight hold, my feet scrambled for grip on the ground to try and force myself away from him but it was to no avail, the rain pouring from the sky made the ground slick with mud. I was forced back as Jacob suddenly let go of my arm, and without any warning he swung round and back handed me across the face. Hard.

I landed face down in lawn, the force of the blow radiating through my skull, and blood poured from my mouth onto the wet ground. The pain in my head was excruciating, made ten times worse by my body trying dry retch around the pain and smell of blood. In a small part of my mind I was surprised I hadn't been knocked out from the force of the hit. I turned to look back at Jacob just in time to see him phase and start to launch himself at me, I scrambled back attempting to put some distance in between us and closed my eyes, waiting for the impact.

A loud crash that shook the earth echoed around me, and I opened my eyes to see Seth on top of Jacob, growls ripping from his throat as he fought to keep him underneath him on the ground, and away from me. With one more almost lunge at me, I forced the pain down and got up. I knew I had to run. Alice wouldn't see any of this with me this close to the wolves, and I knew I wouldn't be safe in the house if Jacob were to get free of Seth.

I forced myself to move, staggering away from the house and the fight. As adrenaline kicked in, I picked up the pace, running as fast as I could towards the Cullen's house. Blood was running out of my mouth and down chest, mixing with the torrential rain around me. I could feel the gravel ripping into the souls of my bare feet, but I kept moving. Faster and faster I pushed myself.

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run!_

_Run, faster Bella! _

_Run!_

I didn't know how long I had been running before I finally reached the outskirts of town, but as the blurring of the town lights slowly faded behind me, I knew I was getting closer; I just had to make it to their driveway. I could feel my body giving up on me, the adrenaline running its course, but I had to make it, I would be safe there.

I forced myself to move faster, before stumbling over something on the road and landing hard once again. The gravel ripped into the skin of my face, hands and knees, leaving them in shreds as I skidded to a stop on the concrete. Blood seemed to be pouring onto the road as I tried to force myself up onto my feet again. My jaw was definitely broken, I could feel it. I forced my need to vomit down and limped forward, pushing myself once again.

I attempted to push my rain and blood soaked hair off my face and over my shoulder with my shredded hands, and desperately tried to look where I was going. A piercing scream echoed through the night, and I instantly recognised it as Alice. I looked up searching around me, she would help me! I was almost safe!

The deep rumbling of a truck speeding down the road distracted me, and I looked up only to be blinded by head lights, just before the edge of the truck slammed into my side. I felt myself being flung from the force of the hit and I crumbled to the ground where I landed. I lay still staring up at the night sky, winded and broken. I choked on the blood bubbling from my mouth as tried to call for Edward, my mind and body both screaming for him. I knew this was the end. I couldn't believe this moment had come, and I would never get to say goodbye.

I felt the life draining away from me as rivulets of blood flowed from my broken body into the rain soaked ground. I could see Edward's in front of me, there was a frown on his gorgeous face and his eyes were closed, deep purple bruises under his long lashes. I raised my hand to caress his face as blackness started to overtake my vision, _I wonder how you say goodbye to someone forever? _As if he had heard me his eyes flashes open, the deep onyx drowning me with their depth, the confusion clear as his eyes moved back and forth between mine. _How lucky am I to have found someone that made saying goodbye so hard_... His eyes widened and his mouth opened as if to speak, but I knew it was time. I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes, dropping my hand from his face...

The last thing I heard was Alice screaming my name before I succumbed to the blackness calling me, letting it draw me down into its numbing depths...

* * *

**… ****  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note: Hi again, this is my first story, so please be gentle! This story isn't perfect, and unbeta'ed. Mistakes are my own. I don't own Twilight or anything relating to it but I do love to read these stories, and now write a bit of them too :)**

**Sorry the update has been so long, I've been in Thailand for the last few weeks. This ones a bit of short one. Will update again early next week.**

**Without further ado...**

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~ Chapter Seven ~

Edward

It started in the very centre of the void in my chest. It wasn't constant and I couldn't predict when it would happen, but as hard as I tried to ignore it and slip back into the comforting numbness, it was forcing me back into own head and eating away at my sanity. I tried to push all of my thoughts out of my mind and tried not to figure out whether it was coming from me or from... _Stop! Stop thinking about it! Push it all out of your mind…_

Sometimes it was soft and gentle, just a slight tugging that sent pain rippling through my chest afterwards. Sometimes it was a hard, jolting tug that almost moved me from where I sat; the shockwaves of pain that followed ached for hours. Though, surprisingly, they weren't the worst. The worst were the slow, dragging tugs that pulsed in the water around me, the longing and desperation in every pull was almost unbearable. They were always joined by her soft voice drifting through my head, begging me to come back…

What they all had in common was the direction of the tugs, always pulling me back towards Forks. I was losing my mind I was sure of it; imagining tugs in my chest, hearing her voice… I didn't know exactly how long I had been in the lake for, but I knew it had to have been several weeks. The cool black water, along with the absence of others thoughts, had been soothing at the start and I had never been more thankful that I didn't need to breathe. Aside from the tugging, I was completely undisturbed, the only intrusion being the occasional eel sliding along my skin.

_I wonder what she's doing right now… is she with him? Of course she would be. She's probably thankful I left._ Shaking my head, I tried to push all the thoughts out of my head, but was distracted by a gentle touch, almost a caress, on my cheek. I frowned, keeping my head down and tried to ignore the feeling. The gentle touch came again, but slid over my entire cheek this time before brushing over my eyebrow. The move was one I had felt many times before, and the affection in the touch never failed to stir warmth through my entire body. It was no different now.

_"__I wonder how you say goodbye to someone forever?" _As Bella's soft voice floated through my mind, my eyes flew open, not comprehending what was going on. I was stunned when I saw her eyes staring back at me in the black water, just as clearly as if she was in front of me. The liquid brown I loved so much stared into me, burning right down into my soul. They held such defeated and sadness... My mind was conjuring this up. It had to be.

"_How lucky am I to have found someone that made saying goodbye so hard…" _I gaped at the image, shocked at how far my mind had gone. The heavy words echoed in my head, and I lifted my hand, reaching towards where her face would be to wipe away the sadness, but the closer I came the more the mirage started to waver until the eyes closed and drifted away.

The ache clenched violently in my chest, and I grabbed at it trying to make it stop while at the same time struggling not to take in a lungful of water. I couldn't figure out what that was, _am I really losing my mind? She's either moving on and that was her goodbye to me, or I've completely lost my mind. But how would she have reached me…? No. I'm losing it._

After finally confirming I was projecting what I wanted to see, I forced myself to push everything away and focused only on the black of the lake and the water moving softly across my skin. It worked, for what I imagined was a few days, but I was getting restless. My body seemed to move on its own accord; a twitch of my mouth, a shaking leg, a tapping finger, sudden jolts down my spine. I couldn't sit still.

_I'm going to have to move and risk Alice seeing me, _I decided when my restlessness reached an all time high. Just as I stood up, a solid force hit me square in the chest sending me skidding along the bottom of the lake and violent vibrations through the water. I lay where I'd landed on my back and looked around the blackness attempting to see where the blow had come from, but there was nothing there.

Confused, I lay there for several minutes more feeling the vibrations in the water slowly start to calm around me. Shaking my head hard I moved to sit up, but stopped as closed pair of eyes appeared before me in the black water. They were scrunched tight, as if the owner was in pain. Everything slowed as I stared at them intently, wondering what the hell was going on and why I could see her eyes once again.

As I went to reach toward the eyes, they suddenly flew open and burned into my own. The eyes irises were a vivid red against the pale skin and blackness of the lake. Shock slammed into me, and I gasped in a large lungful of water before I could stop myself. Just as quickly as they had appeared, they were gone again.

I desperately tried to cough the water back up but was finally forced to struggle up, plant my feet on the sandy bottom and use all my remaining strength to propel myself towards the surface of the water. When I finally broke through, I coughed violently trying to expel the liquid from my lungs as I swam to the edge of the lake. Once I reached it, I dragged myself up onto the bank and flopped down onto my back. _What was that…? I have no idea what just happened?_

I lay there for hours, contemplating what I'd just seen and tried to take it all in. The only explanation I could come up with was that I had been underwater for so long, it had been weeks since I'd last fed, and my mind was warping the lines of reality and fantasy. Unless… _No. No way. There is no way I'm even going there._

I sat up and looked around, for as far as eye could see dense forest surrounded me. I could hear nothing; there were no thoughts for miles. _It won't stay that way for long_. Sighing, I figured I should probably do something about that. I decided to write in the sand beside me to Alice, 'I'm not ready. Please don't find me. Take care of Bella.' hoping she would see the decision and leave me be.

With that done, I stood and walked into the woods, deciding the first thing I needed to do was hunt. After slowing running a few miles, I caught the scent of a few elk nearby and took off in that direction. I quickly caught up to them and tackled the largest to the ground, snapping his neck as I sunk my teeth into his hot flesh. I groaned as the hot liquid washed over my tongue and down my throat. It had been so long since I'd hunted.

After draining several more elk, I disposed of the carcasses and I wondered what to do now. I rubbed my chest over the ache, I knew what I wanted to do, but that was out of the question. Instead I turned away from the direction of Forks, and started walking. I took my time; I had nowhere to be.

I continued to rub my chest as I walked, waiting for the tugging to start up again, but it never did. I walked for hours before I came to the bottom of a mountain range. I paused and looked around me; I honestly had no idea where I was but decided I didn't exactly care so started walking up the incline. I walked for several more hours, following the ridges and curves of the mountain until I was almost at the crest. Glancing around, I caught sight of what looked to be a shelf cutting into the cliff-face, and decided it was as good a place as any to stop.

I made for the cleft, and once I reached it sunk down, resting my back against the rock face. I stared out at the land below, I had climbed a lot higher than I had thought, but it made no difference. I look a deep breath, tasting the air around me, but picked up nothing, I was completely alone. _As I should be._

I knew what Alice would be telling me if she were here. She would say that I had made my decision and I should live with that choice and try to carry on. But I couldn't. Maybe with time I could, after a few years when I had seen her happy and surrounded by children. Maybe then I could try to carry on with our version of life. But I knew I could make no promises, and until then I could not return to my family as my pain would only hurt them.

The crisp wind blew around me, pulling on my still damp clothing, but I paid it no mind. I just continued to stare out at the forest below, scanning the horizon every so often. And I waited. What I was waiting for I didn't know, all I knew was that for now, here I would stay.

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